Tammy is NOT happy!!!!!!

I am sooo fucking pissy/depressed atm I can't see or think straight!

I hate living here HATE IT!!! I'm so ready to move.
I hate not speaking the language, or not having any friends and I can't stand being without convenient transportation.
I don't care if it is better for the planet that we have to REALLY need to use a car in order to get a ride somewhere. I want to leave. I want to get in my car and drive the fuck away to somewhere. A store, a movie, a restaurant... something somewhere.
I'm fucking sick of having to find rides, use the bus (which I cant on my own cause I can't read shit here) or god forbid pay for a cab.
I never go anywhere.
And NO I'm not being melodramatic, I'm literally a shut-in. Last time I left the house was Jan2st to take Rose to the hospital where she was diagnosed w/strep throat. Before that was a brief stop at the DH's grandmas for Xmas. And before that, Dec 1 when we all had colds. Yes I actually physically only get to leave my apartment once a month now that it is bitter ass cold out.
And before it was bitter ass cold I'd only leave to walk the couple blocks to the movie rental or corner stores. Every once in awhile I'll get a ride to WalMart or the Mall. But even then I have to go with the DH (cause he's got shit to get too) and so of course we have to drag Rose with then. It never goes well.
I'm stressed and sad and shut-in. I never get a break. I am with Rose 24/7!!
I am seriously losing my damn mind here.
And why am I bitching right now on the verge of tears??
Because guess who didn't sleep well because of her back but was woke up anyway because her DH was running off to watch the new Underworld movie!!???!
Yeah, seriously not happy atm!!
Forget the fact that I do really want to see that too, because we have no one to watch Rose so we couldn't both go at the same time anyway.
It's just not fair.
I stayed up late trying to write. I say trying because my brain was fried from a day with a toddler who is also feeling shut in atm too and freaking out on me. Then I take a moment to bathe and chill before I try again and wtf do I come back to? "Here honey hold Rose, she wont stay in bed and gotta pee" Which is code for "I'm running to the bathroom to pee but have no intention of taking her back when I'm done cause I'm fighting w/e boss online next and I need both hands!"
SO there I am trying to type over a floppity baby.
I finish up and post, say a quick prayer it's readable, and go to bed with the floppy kid.
But I have a hell of a time sleeping.
My back and shoulder are killing me and it seemed that every time I'd doze off I'd bump my toe that I had just recently cut open. I think it's getting infected too YAY me! Maybe they'll need to cut my toe off and I'll get a lil away time in the hospital =P
Two phone calls wake me up this morning but I'm not answering them cause I know they aren't for me. I have no real friends just ones in this lil glowy box called a monitor.
On the 3rd call the DH answers. Then proceeds to dump Rose on me and tell me he's going to that movie.
Now Rose is a daddy's girl when daddy is around. She is never happy about him leaving for work and she especially hates it when he puts her off on me so he can leave. It's a royal hissy fit... for like a half hour after he leaves even.
So not only am I sore and sleepy I have a screaming toddler and no DH.
And as I log online today I see a big fucking ad for Underworld Rise of the Lycans and I about burst into tears.
I'm so AHHH I don't know if I'm more mad or depressed atm.
So there you go. Tammy is NOT happy!!!
I don't know if anyone will even bother reading this pathetic bitchfest but I really needed to vent or I'd self destruct and I have no one to talk to.

I'm off now to down a pot of coffee and see if I can't get my head back on straight.
I'm really hoping that when the DH gets home he can watch Rose so I can write.
He owes me!
Though I'm not sure I'll get the break cause his long time buddy's birthday party is tonight too. Joy upon joy!
Wish me luck and if you see a bright blast light up the North Eastern sky tonight that would be me going nuclear!

Awwww poor Tammy, I'm sorry you're havin such a shitty time of it honey! I think right about now I'd have developed a twitch and I hope that Patrick watchs Rose for not only so you have a chance to write but so you can have some ME time. If he doesn't want to then tell him I said I was going to come up there and kick his ass and he would be well warned since I'm a big bitch and I can do things to him that probably should never be done to another person. Matter of fact if I can't make it I can give you a few of my torture secrets! And if you ever want to I'll sneak you across the boarder and I'll put you up until you think you can handle goin back! Better yet as soon as I can I'll come up there mess Patrick up a bit and then you and I will go out get shit faced and then hit on some sexy fire men Anyways, you need anything you just let me know! *cracks knuckles* I did say anything right?

LOL Thanks Charla.
I'd have kicked his ass long ago but he's really loyal and he does sweet talk me a lot. Prolly a self preservation tactic I know, but it's nice to hear he thinks about me and some of the nice things he says about me to his coworkers and such.
Not to mention he's a good lay! lol
But yeah he needs a swift kick now and then. He doesn't get how I can be worn out when I don't work and the house is a mess. HEH! It's mentally exhausted almost more than physically.
But I'm naturally high strung and I'm having major tension issues. I clench up the left side of my shoulder and jaw and they hurt now all the time. I have a knot on my shoulder the size of my fist. It's not pretty
Anyhow I appreciate the thoughts and would just love to get drunk and oggle men with you! lol

Aw sweetie, I'm sorry that you are having such a crappy time! Honey maybe you should talk to him and tell him how you're feeling.

I'm going to come with Charla and get you!! Tell him the crazy irish woman is coming, with a LOT of alcohol all Irish lol


mandy---> <-----Tammy

Aww Tammy! Being single with no kids I can't honestly say that I know how you feel, but if it was me I think I would've cracked up by now. I have no patience and I know I woulnd't be a good stay at home mom. I just wish I was there to help cheer you up!

If I lived anywhere near you, you know I'd be at your door with a couple of bottles and a babysitter in tow, and ready to set off the fire alarm - instant men in uniform!

And I'd be taking Charla's advice, handing Rose off to DH and taking time for youself, even if it was just to go for a walk or read a book in peace.

I hope you feel better soon Tammy! There's nothing worse than feeling like you're about to burst into tears at the slightest thing, I was like that for the whole week I was on my own at work, not good

Awww babes Im sorry you're going through that but talk to Patrick and tell him whats really on your mind. You know we are always here for you if you ever need to talk/vent we love you hun

Big hug to you!!
Me taking care of Patrick for you!

I hope that by now you have had some alone time just for you to do whatever the hell you pleased!! I wish I lived even more close to you so I could go get you for a night out!

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We are all here for you if you need!!

If only I didn't live so far away I would be at your doorstep, and after a few moments of cooing over Rose, i'd promptly hand the ickle angel to daddy and say have fun and before he knows what hits him........ *holy smokes batman* *pow* Tammy is GONE!!! in a poof of sparkly smoke!

aww tammy i am soooo sorry i kinda understand what its like being home all the time..it does suck. i agree with Charla and mandy about coming there and stealing you away for a day or two and i'll bring some of my alcohol with me too. so you'll have an irish woman and me the italian and charla with ya.
just remember anytime you need to vent all of us are here for you

Aww thanks ladies.
I'd like to say things are better today but not really.
I let loose on the DH last night and he didn't go to his buddy's bday party, and had me walk to the video store with him, where I picked out a movie for myself and one for Rose.
It was bitter ass cold but w/e. He at least watched the movie with me, which is rare.
It was Dane Cook in My Best Friend's Girl. I really liked it. I love DC, he cracks me up. I needed that.
BUT today doesn't look too promising. He's already complaining of a headache (he plays too much on the pc and REALLY needs glasses).
And more then likely he plans on covering his best friend's shift today cause he does just about anything for him. =P Of course his bff does stuff for us too but come on I need a day!!!

I do feel better cause I have so many great online friends though. I wish I could reach out, gather you all up with me and run off for some fun. And the poofing off in a sparkly smoke cloud sounds awesome! I wanna learn that trick. LOL

Sandy it would be awesome if we lived a lil closer and could go out. I wish we could and could bring along everyone else too. With Italian and Southern women in tow, I know we'll eat well. With Scottish and Irish ladies along, I know we'll drink well. And with a New Yorker among our group, we're sure to seek out and reel in some nice hunks to ogle throughout our night! It would be a blast! We'd be a triple threat LOL
Thanks again ladies. Love ya'll!! Tammy ---> <---The collective You!

Anytime Tammy!! I'm glad you got to watch a movie and maybe Patrick will catch on and take Rose to do something for the day even if it's only for self preservation! You oaught to tell Patrick his eyeballs are gonna fall out if he stays on the computer too much, better yet put a cord or plug or somethin that makes the computer not work unless you want it to....well that might only work if he's like me and can't do anything other than paly games and a few other things.....anyways, I hope that your day gets better as it goes on!

I'm sorry you feel so isolated. I'm with everyone else, we'll all come & get ya & all go out, eat, drink & oogle!! Wish I was closer & could at least pop in & hang with ya, at least you would have some adult conversation face to face.

here's a big friends hug for ya [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

and one just cuz!! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Sweety! I'm sooo sorry that you are having such a hard time. One of these days I need to make my way up to your end of the country. We need to get rowdy! HUGS HUGS

Okay. Here's your fellow Frenchie hell Quebecer sending out an offer. I'm only a couple hours away. ANYTIME you need to get the heck outta Dodge, you let me know. I'll come and get you. Gotta a built in babysitter too and I'll bring her along while we go out and find a great Irish or Scottish bar. We'll go to Ottawa if we have to!!

Just sorry I didn't log on until now, or I would have made the offer sooner.

Aw thats so good of you Bookfever, I feel better now that someone is close to you Tammy! Or well closer than me

Aman to that Mandy!

Ditto on that!

[color=green]i definately understand the shut in thing. i have a 9 yr. old autistic son, who of course is sick right now. i am also a single mom. i dont know if this will help, but i can hope. if rose likes things like sesame street, and the pbs programs, there are free websites that u can take her to. it would give u time to just put your feet up and maybe even read a book.
(even if it is only for 15 to 30 min. i learned that that is better than nothing.)
try these if u think she might like it......
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also, if she likes disney movies, the disney website does have free games and cartoons, and even movies.
i hope this gives u some ideas, and maybe, just maybe, a little free time!!!!

shar i am sorry to hear that your son is sick. i kinda know what its like to be with an autistic child i work with them for a living. i do hope that he gets better soon.

tammy i agree with the unplugging of the computer every once in a while and have some time with loved ones. i highly recomend it.

i hope that things get a lil better soon for everyone who is having a bad day.

thanks for the well wishes, angel. just a nasty cold, and im sure he will be better soon. as for the unplugging of the computer and having time with loved ones.....i do agree, but i also understand the not getting out of the house, and when u do, its always with your child. MINE GOES EVERYWHERE WITH ME!! and while that may not seem like such a big deal to some people since he is 9, autism makes certain things a bit more like HELL. some days are just wonderful and we can go anywhere and do anything. (i.e. he rode 11 1/2 hrs. from our house to tennessee to visit grandma and there wasnt a single protest or problem.) other days, the grocery store is like fighting a war. like i said, there are times when the kids websites, like the 2 i listed above, are just sanity savers. and they also teach them some wonderful things. if u do choose to try them, and they seem to work well for u, i am glad. i also have others if u are interested, all u need to do is let me know. while i know that the computer is not a FIX ALL for kids, sometimes it can give u the 15 min. or so u may need to just calm down a bit. oh, and the sites do range from toddler games all the way to older kids, so just look and im sure u will find something to her liking. they are also a fun way for mom and kids to do something together. they have everything from fun craft ideas, to games, to fun and easy recipes that u can make for supper. which, u will have to do anyway, so why not have fun doing it!!!! i hope these ideas help u and any other frazzled moms out there. and i truly hope your days get better very soon!!!!

angel0618 wrote:

shar i am sorry to hear that your son is sick. i kinda know what its like to be with an autistic child i work with them for a living. i do hope that he gets better soon.

tammy i agree with the unplugging of the computer every once in a while and have some time with loved ones. i highly recomend it.

i hope that things get a lil better soon for everyone who is having a bad day.

Hey Tammy!!

Hope you're feeling better.

Miss you on the board.

Lisa

Aww everyone I feel blessed to have such great friends here.
It's been a rough weekend, but I'm a lil better today.
Sorry if my absence concerned anyone.
It bummed me a lil to come here and not having anything to show for being gone or any idea when I would.
I haven't wrote anymore or worked on any siggies.
But last night I was able to think lil clearer and work out some deeper plot elements of my story, so I'm hopeful I can actually write tonight after we eat.


Lisa I may just have to take you up on that offer. You let me know some weekend you're free to make the trip, and I'll make sure the DH has no excuses for not staying home with Rose and letting me out for a day!

Thanks again everyone I'm so lucky to have you!!

THANK GOD YOU'RE BACK I WAS WORRIED.

Okay, I stop the over reacting, but glad to see you here.

Yes, a little R&R and giggle juice will do the soul some good.

We will make plans.... ***evil laugh***

Glad to hear your feeling better. You were missed here & on KMM. And don't worry about anything, just being yourself & do what you want!!

Wer'e glad you okay sweetie!

Yeay you're back!!!

I missed you so glad you're feeling better! And you know you don't have to have anything to show for the time you've been away from here! Goodness knows i never do!

Tammy, I hope you're feeling a bit better. I kinda know how you feel. I'm a SAHM, and for a long time we had only one car, Keith worked crazy retail hours and I NEVER left the house. Only to take the kids to the doctor, and I had to borrow my grandmother's car for that. My doctor finally told Keith that if I didn't get some time to myself, I was going to have a mental breakdown and be useless for a while. Not to mention possibly hurt one of the kids or him. His job changed shortly after that, but I didn't even have the comforts of online. I had my bff on the phone all the time just trying to hold on to reality. I started locking myself in the bathroom when Keith gets home, and even that gets interrupted. All I can say is hang in there, it will get better. And remember, we're all here for you.

all right, how did i not see this before now? I have the EXACT same problem with my DH. I use that D sarcastically!! Men don't fucking get it! They DON'T think AT ALL!!! Granted I am not in a foreign speaking place, but I'd be DAMNED if he got to run around and have fun without me! Let me tell you what I did to mine... He thinks because he LEAVES to go to a job that his 'down time/relaxing time' is on lock. WHAT THE FUCK EVER!!! I go to my sister's house everyday to take care of Xander and my nephew, that is more of a job than he'll ever have! One day I had a migraine, so I called him and told him he needed to come stay with the boys so I could take my ha meds. I leave him there and drive home, take my meds and pass out. It was a bad boy day, they had been fighting about everything. He comes home a few hours later and wakes me up, asks me if I feel better, and says 'please don't ever do that again! I don't know how you do that.' ha ha ha i thought. Basically I just had to tell him how it was, AND show him. They don't get it...I also used to go hide in the car...it was amusing, my cell would ring and he'd be all sweet and please come back I have to pee. I'm all 'how the hell do you think I pee when I'm home without you? NO.' They get it eventually. BTW I LOOOOVE Dane Cook too. GAWD that is one fine POA! Here's some DC goodness!!!!

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[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] ha ha ha I love his ass...

LMAO!!!!!

AHHH Thanks NiEssa I needed that sympathetic pep talk and all that DC!! Men that can pull off both funny AND sexy are like OMGods.
LOL.
I love Dane, he's awesome! SU-FI!
And he's gotta win like some kinda award for best ASS in comedy!

*HUGE HUG* I am so sorry to hear all of that!!! I wish I could help, I really do.

With living in Monterey and w/ my parents again, I start to feel the same way. All of my friends have moved away and my one best friend has been too busy to hang out, so I have had no one to talk to. And this morning my step-dad decided to start a fight with me about my cat. He was literally cussing and yelling at me for no reason at all. And so I yell something like "Thanks for making me feel welcome" and hide in the shower.

I felt bad for my mom because she was sleeping too and had no clue as to what he was yelling about and why I was crying. She waited till I got out of the shower (she was on her way somewhere) to hug me and tell me it's ok. I am so not close with my family and that shocked me. I really think my step-dad should treat me like an adult (i'm fucking 24 now) but he's so childish at times.

I hope things get better for you Tammy.